WHAT LIES BENEATH - "A ROAR IN THE WIND."

by blackthelion

ALL MY LIFE  THERE'S BEEN THIS EPISODE WHERE I'VE HAD TO BATTLE WITH DEPRESSION WITHOUT ANY MEDICATION AND AT TIMES I FEEL LIKE IT'S GETTING BIGGER. LIKE IT'S GROWING BEYOND MY CONTROL. THINGS I USE TO LIKE TO DO I HATE TO DO! MY ATTENTION SPAN IS SHORTER AND I FIND IT HARDER TO BE PRESENT WHEN SOME PEOPLE ARE CONVERSATING WITH ME. THE ONLY REASON  WHY I NEVER WANTED TO ACCEPT THE DRUGS WAS BECAUSE OF THE SIDE AFFECTS. I MEAN I WONT BE DEPRESSED BUT I COULD POSSIBLY HAVE BRAIN HEMORHAGES ETC. SO IN THIS CAGE I'VE TRIED SMOKING WEED IN ORDER TO CALM MY MIND AND NOT LET CERTAIN FEELINGS PUSH ME INTO THAT PLACE. IT WORKED FOR AWHILE BUT THEN I NEEDED MORE. I WANTED TO FEEL LOOSE AND FREE AND WILD LIKE THAT PERSON I WAS WHEN I WAS HIGH. I COULDN'T SEE WHAT I LOOKED LIKE TO OTHERS AND I REALLY DIDN'T CARE . I JUST WANTED TO FEEL BETTER. THIS CAGE IS COLD, LONELY AT TIMES EVEN THOUGH OTHERS ARE ALWAYS AROUND. I GET TIRED OF PACING THIS SAME PATH AND THE ONLY THING CHANGING IS TIME. IM GETTING OLDER NOW. I CANT KEEP SUPPRESSING THIS IMBALANCE OF MY MIND. EVENTUALLY LEFT SIDE MUST AGREE WITH RIGHT SIDE, I CANT CONTINUE TO LIVE WITH THIS LOVE HATE RELATIONSHIP WITHIN MYSELF! I GOTTA DO IT...I GOTTA ACCEPT THE DRUGS AND THE SIDE EFFECTS. UNTIL NOW GOD HAS BEEN THE CURE TO THE SYMPTOM THAT HAS BECOME ME BUT WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO WHEN IT FEEL LIKE JUST BELIEVING IS NO LONGER ENOUGH? GOD, I NEED TO SEE MORE, TO BE MORE, GAIN AND CONTROL MORE! FINALLY SEE A RETURN ON INVESTMENT IM TIRED OF HEADACHES AND HARD TIMES. WHERE ARE MY FRIENDS? I DONT SEE THEM NO MORE. WHERE ARE MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS? I DONT SEE THEM NO MORE. BUT BEFORE I COULD GIVE UP I WAS EMBRACED BY STRANGERS. I FELT A TEMPORARY PARDON FROM MY CAGE. A COMMERCIAL BREAK IN HEAVEN'S MOVIE. A MOMENTS PEACE. JUST ENOUGH TIME TO GET A SECOND WIND AND TRY AGAIN.--BLACKTHELION